Too Much Information

"Hello? Mrs. Lowe? This is the school nurse. I have your daughter here in the office...

          I am alarmed.

Now, I don't want you to be alarmed...

          I am very alarmed.

She was on the playground, and...

          OMG, I knew she was being far too brave on those monkey bars. She's probably fallen and cracked her head open. Is the ambulance on the way? Where are my shoes?

she caught a ball and it bent her pinky back...

          And it's broken. Is the bone sticking out? Will she still be able to play piano? Where is my other shoe?

and I think it's probably sprained a little, but it's looking much better.

          A sprained pinky? That's all? Oh, no, your voice sounds WAY too serious for a sprained pinky. Keep talking...

They called me down to take a look at it, and she was reluctant to let me see it. I tried to explain to her that it was just a little bruised, and that bruising was nothing more than a little bleeding under the skin..."

I interrupted, "I know where you're going. She passed out, didn't she?"

"Yes!" The relief in her voice was tangible. "I guess I just gave her too much information!"

The minute she said "explain," I knew. After I reassured the nurse that this wasn't the first time, I brought my baby home to rest on the couch and get over the embarrassment. I guess I can give up my dream of having a doctor in the family if the mere mention of blood knocks her out!

Poor kid, she gets it honestly. I didn't pass out over blood, but the nurses where I got my allergy shots learned to have me lie down first. The important thing is to never use the word, "faint." I hate that word. "Fainting" sounds so weak and pitiful, and it's terribly embarrassing when someone says, "She fainted." The only worse way to say it is "swooning." "Passing out" or "blacking out" is much better. That sounds like you had a serious medical event, and it's more likely to attract concern than laughter. Hey, you might as well get some attention for it! Whatever you call it, it isn't uncommon, but it can sometimes call for a trip to the doctor.  Read more here: When Children Faint. And, uh, somebody tell those folks at Duke Health to drop the F-word.